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SCENE 1

A college-aged woman, CAVEGIRL, sits on an unmade bed, staring off into space. NORMAL PERSON enters the room and frowns.

NORMAL PERSON: You look… downtrodden today.

CAVEGIRL: Thanks.

NORMAL PERSON: Why so glum?

CAVEGIRL: (sighs) I worked so hard for that linear algebra class and I got a 107.4% on the final! And a 99.4% overall score in the class! Can you believe it? And guess what? I still didn’t get an A+! After all of that effort… everything has gone to waste!

NORMAL PERSON: Yeah, yeah. Can we play Lego Harry Potter now? I’m Hermione. You can be Hagrid.

CAVEGIRL and NORMAL PERSON exit.

SCENE 2

CAVEGIRL and NORMAL PERSON enter the room and settle into office chairs, facing each other across the table. The floor on CAVEGIRL’s side of the room is strewn with mud-streaked woolen socks; NORMAL PERSON’S side of the room is pristine.

CAVEGIRL: I finally got my grade back from The Voldemort Lab practical exam.

NORMAL PERSON: Hmph.

CAVEGIRL: Guess how I did!

NORMAL PERSON: A hundred, I bet. (grumbles incoherently)

CAVEGIRL: Nope. Lower!

NORMAL PERSON: Ninety-nine, then.

CAVEGIRL: Lower.

NORMAL PERSON: Eighty-nine.

CAVEGIRL: Lower.

NORMAL PERSON: Seventy-nine?

CAVEGIRL: Lower.

NORMAL PERSON: (eyes wide) Cavegirl! Sixty-five?

CAVEGIRL: (smirking) Lower.

NORMAL PERSON: (screaming) CAVEGIRL!!! You – no, REALLY? You fail – no – are you jok – WHY ARE YOU STILL SMILING?

CAVEGIRL: Because the pass mark is 60. The scores were historically low this year. And I passed with four points to spare! So chill.

NORMAL PERSON: (muttering) I wish I was in… (incoherent)… medical school. You get to… (incoherent)… Pass No Pass! While I’m stuck here… (incoherent)… A’s and B’s and C’s! Grmph.

CAVEGIRL blows NORMAL PERSON a kiss. NORMAL PERSON scowls and vanishes into thin air, leaving a dark glass screen where her chair used to be. CAVEGIRL exits.

 

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